Proposed Fellowship-wide Group Conscience

The following was forwarded to one of our members. Once again, it appears that there is a challenge to the validity of S-Anon Couples in Recovery groups. Our readers are encouraged to participate in the proposed steering committee.

 

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All:

As you know, the proposed plan to prepare for a fellowship-wide group conscience (FGC) on the couples’ meeting issue includes the development of a motion to the WSC and six supporting documents. The approved plan is attached for your reference.  

We need volunteers to work on this project. Any member of S-Anon can participate. Please forward this email to anyone you think might be interested in participating.

We are forming a Steering Committee for the project. Writing teams (see below) will submit their work to this committee by February 1, 2016. The Steering Committee will then work to make sure that all documentation is concise, easily understandable and ready for submission to the WSCC before the April 1, 2016 deadline for motions. If you want to be a part of the Steering Committee, contact Gayla at executivedirector@sanon.org by Friday, October 30, 2015.  

Seven writing teams will be formed. Each team will be dedicated to working on one of the following topics. If you or someone you know is interested in participating on one or more of the writing teams, please indicate your interest by emailing executivedirector@sanon.com by Friday, October 30. Those who indicate interest will be assembled into writing teams. Each team will decide for itself how the document is going to be produced. The deadline for producing the documents is February 1, 2016.  All documents must be concise and easily understandable.

Below are the seven documents that the writing teams will be developing:

1.       The Motion: This team will prepare the motion that will be submitted to the 2016 WSC. This document will include the exact wording for the questions that will be posed in the FGC, explain why this issue warrants the time and expense of a FGC, outline the case for and against conducting a FCG, and explain how the FGC will be conducted in order to insure integrity in the process. This section will include voting methods, how votes will be submitted, approximate timeframes and the vote tally/reporting process.

2.       Argument for Couples’ Meetings: A white paper written in motion form making the case for allowing couples’ meetings to exist as a part of in S-Anon. Maximum length: 2 pages.

3.       Argument Against Couples’ Meeting: A white paper written in motion form making the case against allowing couples meetings to exist as a part of S-Anon. Maximum length: 2 pages.

4.       History: A white paper tracing the history of couples’ meetings in S-Anon. This document will provide a narrative and timeline explaining how couples’ meetings got their start, what (if any) involvement SA had in the process, and how the group conscience on the status of couples’ meetings has evolved over time.

5.       Position paper on the implications of Traditions Four and Six on this question. This position paper will answer the following questions:

a.       Is a change in the status of couples’ meetings an issue that affects Sexaholics Anonymous as a whole, and as such, requires their involvement or buy-in?

b.       What, if any, role should Sexaholics Anonymous have in the decision to change the status of couples meetings and/or remove couples’ meetings from S-Anon?

 

6.       Scenario Document 1: A scenario document outlining all the feasible courses of action regarding the status of couples’ meetings if the group conscience reveals that couples’ meetings should be allowed to exist in S-Anon. This document will touch upon the following points:

a.       A description of the various status options for couples meetings if they are permitted in S-Anon, including no change to the current “open meeting/non-registered status,” making couples’ meetings registered meetings with rights and privileges identical to registered meetings, or something else.

7.       Scenario Document 2: A scenario document outlining several possible courses of action that might play out if the FGC reveals that couples’ meetings should not be allowed to exist as a part of S-Anon. This document will touch upon the following points:

a.       Implications for couples meetings at International Conventions
b.       How couples’ meetings might continue to exist outside of S-Anon
c.        Implications for the reprinting of literature that mentions couples’ meetings, including costs

If you have any questions, please contact Gayla at executivedirector@sanon.org.

Gayla Z.
Executive Director
S-Anon International Family Groups, Inc.
P.O. Box 17294
Nashville, TN 37217

Office: 615.833.3152
Toll-Free: 800.210.8141
Mobile: 615.400.1333
Email: executivedirector@sanon.org
On the web: www.sanon.org

Tradition 10 - No Opinion on Outside Issues

Tradition 10: The S-Anon Family Groups have no opinion on outside issues; hence our name ought never be drawn into public controversy.

The 10^th Tradition was the topic at a recent S-Anon Couples in Recovery meeting. The participants had several ideas about applying this Tradition to their relationships. This is not a comprehensive list of all ways that it could be applied, just some of the ideas that were presented. They are listed here in no particular order of importance.

We each have our own opinions on political issues. Sometimes we agree and sometimes we don’t. We accept that the other has the right to his or her own beliefs and we don’t try to convince each other to agree.

We avoid heated controversy. These can easily produce anger and resentment.

We don’t speak ill of each other with friends or in public. Being kind and courteous is a priority.

We don’t interfere in each other’s family business. We refrain from criticizing the others parents, siblings and children.

We keep each other’s confidences. We don’t divulge opinions expressed in private. The partner is free to discuss his or her own opinions.

We don’t ask our partners to make hasty decisions. We give each other time to think about and formulate our own ideas.

S-Anon Tradition 9 - Never Organized

The S-Anon Ninth Tradition reads: Our groups, as such, ought never be organized; but we may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they serve. This Tradition, like all the others was adopted from Alcoholics Anonymous. AA provides a wealth of information about the traditions in the book Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions. The article on Tradition Nine is reprinted, in full:

Tradition Nine

“A.A., as such, ought never be organized; but we may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they serve.” 

When Tradition Nine was first written, it said that “Alcoholics Anonymous needs the least possible organization.” In years since then, we have changed our minds about that. Today, we are able to say with assurance that Alcoholics Anonymous—A.A. as a whole—should never be organized at all. Then, in seeming contradiction, we proceed to create special service boards and committees which in themselves are organized. How, then, can we have an unorganized movement which can and does create a service organization for itself? Scanning this puzzler, people say, “What do they mean, no organization?”

Well, let's see. Did anyone ever hear of a nation, a church, a political party, even a benevolent association that had no membership rules? Did anyone ever hear of a society which couldn't somehow discipline its members and enforce obedience to necessary rules and regulations?

Doesn't nearly every society on earth give authority to some of its members to impose obedience upon the rest and to punish or expel offenders? Therefore, every nation, in fact every form of society, has to be a government administered by human beings. Power to direct or govern is the essence of organization everywhere.

Yet Alcoholics Anonymous is an exception. It does not conform to this pattern. Neither its General Service Conference, its Foundation Board, nor the humblest group committee can issue a single directive to an A.A. member and make it stick, let alone mete out any punishment. We've tried it lots of times, but utter failure is always the result. Groups have tried to expel members, but the banished have come back to sit in the meeting place, saying, “This is life for us; you can't keep us out.” Committees have instructed many an A.A. to stop working on a chronic backslider, only to be told: “How I do my Twelfth Step work is my business. Who are you to judge?” This doesn't mean an A.A. won't take advice or suggestions from more experienced members, but he surely won't take orders. Who is more unpopular than the oldtime A.A., full of wisdom, who moves to another area and tries to tell the group there how to run its business? He and all like him who “view with alarm for the good of A.A.” meet the most stubborn resistance or, worse still, laughter.

You might think A.A.'s headquarters in New York would be an exception. Surely, the people there would have to have some authority. But long ago, trustees and staff members alike found they could do no more than make suggestions, and very mild ones at that. They even had to coin a couple of sentences which still go into half the letters they write: “Of course, you are at perfect liberty to handle this matter any way you please. But the majority experience in A.A. does seem to suggest . . .” Now, that attitude is far removed from central government, isn't it? We recognize that alcoholics can't be dictated to—individually or collectively.

At this juncture, we can hear a churchman exclaim, “They are making disobedience a virtue!” He is joined by a psychiatrist who says, “Defiant brats! They won't grow up and conform to social usage!” The man in the street says, “I don't understand it. They must be nuts!” But all these observers have overlooked something unique in Alcoholics Anonymous. Unless each A.A. member follows to the best of his ability our suggested Twelve Steps to recovery, he almost certainly signs his own death warrant. His drunkenness and dissolution are not penalties inflicted by people in authority; they result from his personal disobedience to spiritual principles.

The same stern threat applies to the group itself. Unless there is approximate conformity to A.A.'s Twelve Traditions, the group, too, can deteriorate and die. So we of A.A. do obey spiritual principles, first because we must, and ultimately because we love the kind of life such obedience brings. Great suffering and great love are A.A.'s disciplinarians; we need no others.

It is clear now that we ought never to name boards to govern us, but it is equally clear that we shall always need to authorize workers to serve us. It is the difference between the spirit of vested authority and the spirit of service, two concepts which are sometimes poles apart. It is in this spirit of service that we elect the A.A. group's informal rotating committee, the intergroup association for the area, and the General Service Conferences of Alcoholics Anonymous for A.A. as a whole. Even our Foundation, once an independent board, is today directly accountable to our Fellowship. Its trustees are the caretakers and expediters of our world services.

Just as the aim of each A.A. member is personal sobriety, the aim of our services is to bring sobriety within reach of all who want it. If nobody does the group's chores, if the area's telephone rings unanswered, if we do not reply to our mail, then A.A. as we know it would stop. Our communications lines with those who need our help would be broken.

A.A. has to function, but at the same time it must avoid those dangers of great wealth, prestige, and entrenched power which necessarily tempt other societies. Though Tradition Nine at first sight seems to deal with a purely practical matter, in its actual operation it discloses a society without organization, animated only by the spirit of service —a true fellowship.

 

 

 

Applying Tradition 8 to the Coupleship

We are continuing our study of the 12 Traditions of S-Anon and how they can be applied in our Coupleships. We don't claim to have the answers for everyone or the only interpretation of the Steps, Traditions and Concepts.

Tradition 8: "S-Anon Twelfth-Step work should remain forever non-professional, but our service centers may employ special workers."

We are not professional dishwashers, landscapers, maids, computer repair technicians, cooks, accountants etc. Sometimes our chores seem to become intertwined with our identities. Sometimes we find it hard to believe that what we do is not who we are. Is our sense of self worth dependent on what we do?
Did our role models successfully manage this aspect of their lives? It's incredibly easy to fall into so-called gender roles. How can we avoid them? Do we give freely to our relationship? Do we grudgingly participate in home tasks?
Do we risk the health or safety of our families by not consulting experts when needed? Do we try to do things that we are not capable of or do we hire doctors, nurses, plumbers, and electricians when we need them?

"Recovering Together: Issues Faced By Couples"

"What seemed at first a flimsy reed, has proved to be the loving and powerful hand of God." Alcoholics Anonymous  pg 28.

S-Anon Couples in Recovery meetings have one official piece of S-Anon Conference Approved Literature (CAL). It is named "Recovering Together: Issues Faced By Couples".
The www.sanon.org  website describes this book as "Couples share their experience, strength, and hope on the topics of communication, trust, forgiveness, honesty, commitment, and healthy sexuality. The booklet also includes an S-Anon meeting format to be used during S-Anon couples meetings."


Many of our groups use this booklet at their meetings and give copies to newcomers.
One of our couples said "Before we came to our first meeting, we thought that our partnership was broken, that it was over for good. At the first meeting, our emotions were still clouding our ability to see and hear the truth of reality. Reading this booklet together, we started to realize that we had more common ground to rebuild from than we had realized. This book gave us a glimmer of hope, it was our "flimsy reed". We realized that we each had to work on our own programs, individually but we also came to believe that we had to have this program too. The "flimsy reed" of S-Anon Couples in Recovery meetings and this booklet have become the "loving and powerful hand of God" in our marriage."

Applying S-Anon Tradition 6 to a coupleship

Tradition 6: Our S-Anon Family Groups ought never endorse, finance, or lend our name to any outside enterprise, lest problems of money, property and prestige divert us from our primary spiritual aim. Although a separate entity, we should always cooperate with Sexaholics Anonymous.

How can we members of S-Anon Couples in Recovery apply the sixth tradition to our coupleship?

One couple has replied: "We each have our own funds, schedules and commitments. In the past, problems with money, property and egos interfered with our relationships.
Applying this Tradition, neither of us will make a commitment of our joint funds, time or responsibility without consulting the other. We do not try to fill all of our partners needs. We do not expect all of our needs to be met by our partner. We support each other. We strive to be healthy equals. We are mutually dependent. We support and encourage each other."

S-Anon Tradition 5 – One Purpose

S-Anon Tradition 5 – One Purpose

It’s May, the fifth month of the year and our continuing study of the Twelve Traditions of S-Anon brings us to Tradition 5. Each S-Anon Family Group has but one purpose: to help families of sexaholics. We do this by practicing the Twelve Steps of S-Anon, by encouraging and understanding our sexaholic relatives, and by welcoming and giving comfort to the families of sexaholics.

This Tradition, like the Eleven others were all adapted from the Twelve Traditions of AA. The Fifth Tradition of AA reads Each group has but one primary purpose —to carry the message to the alcoholic who still suffers. The article about the Fifth Tradition in Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions says “The very life of our Fellowship requires the preservation of this principle.”

Early AA’s had a saying “Put the plug in the jug, clean house and help others”. Before we came to our first meeting, many of us thought that our partnership was inextricably broken. Many members of S-Anon Couples in Recovery have found that applying the 12 Steps and 12 Traditions within a coupleship leads to improvements in trust, honesty, hope and commitment.

The members of the S-Anon Couples in Recovery groups have demonstrated that they can help other families where others seldom can. What we can transmit to the new couple is not dependent on therapy, eloquence or education but on our own experience. We have a legacy of suffering and recovery that we pass freely onto others that seek relief. This is our primary purpose.

A great paradox of all twelve step programs is that we can only keep as much recovery as we are willing to give away. We must carry the message to those families that don’t know there is a way out.

 

New Meetings on the Meeting List

We have been receiving notice of new meetings and meeting changes.  We recently added S-Anon Couples in Recovery meetings in Florida and Indiana as well as a meeting change in California. If you would like your meeting listed or have a change, please send us an email at sanon4couples@gmail.org


Florida - New Meeting on list
7:00 PM Fort Myers, FL – Every Sunday, Riverside Church, 8660 Daniels Parkway, Fort Myers, FL


Indiana - New Meeting on list
1:30 PM Noblesville, IN – 1st Saturday of each month 698 N 10th St Please enter through side door




California - Meeting location change
7 PM Union City, CA 4th Saturday - Kaiser Permanenete Medical Offices, 3553 Whipple Rd, Union City Building B Second Floor, rooms 2A


To see the complete meeting list, please visit: http://www.sanon4couples.org/meetings.html

Tradition 4 and Rule #62

The 4th Tradition : Each group should be autonomous, except in matters affecting another group or S-Anon or SA as a whole.

The Fourth Tradition, like all of the others, stems from the original 12 Traditions of Alcoholics Anonymous. There are essays on each of the Traditions and Steps in the conference approved AA classic book Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions: A co-founder of Alcoholics Anonymous tells how members recover and how the society functions.

The Traditions were based upon the experience of the early and growing A.A. program. The chapter on the 4th Tradition addresses the issue of group autonomy:

"This meant , of course, that we had been given the courage to declare each A.A. group an individual entity, strictly reliant on its own conscience as a guide to action. In charting this enormous expanse of freedom, we found it necessary to post only two storm signals: A group ought not do anything which would greatly injure A. A. as a whole, nor ought it affiliate itself with anything or anybody else. There would be a real danger should we commence to call some groups "wet," others "dry," still others "Republican" or "Communist," and yet others "Catholic" or "Protestant." The A. A. group would have to stick to its course or be hopelessly lost. Sobriety has to be its sole objective. In all other respects there was perfect freedom of will and action. Every group had the right to be wrong."

The chapter also discusses A.A. Rule #62

An early A.A. group had grand plans to build a hospital and recovery center. They would sober the drunks and help them out of their back debts.
"To insure foolproof, continuous operation, sixty-one rules and regulations were adopted." The venture collapsed and "A chill chokedamp of fear and frustration fell over the group."
"The head promoter wrote the Foundation office. He said he wished he'd paid some attention to A.A. experience. Then he did something else that was to become an A.A. classic. It all went on a little card about golf-score size. The cover read: "Middleton Group #1, Rule #62." Once the card was unfolded, a single pungent sentence leaped to the eye: "Don't take yourself too damn seriously."

How can we apply this Tradition to our S-Anon Couples in Recovery groups? S-Anon Couples in Recovery groups are only affiliated with S-Anon. Many of our members qualify for and are possible members of other 12 step programs. Being a member of a "beverage program", "food program", "shopping program", "wagering program", or "lust program" does not negate or exclude someone from being an S-Anon as well.
Many of our groups meet in churches but that does not mean there is any affiliation. Our groups pay rent for their meeting places. Some of our meetings may take place in Spanish. This does not imply there is an affiliation with Spain. Likewise, English speaking meetings do not mean there is an affiliation with England. Each meetings is autonomous.

How do we apply this Tradition in our coupleships? One couple shared:

We are committed to each other.
We don't have a family religion. Each of us is free to believe in the God of our understanding. We also don't have a family political standing. We tend to vote for candidates that are polar opposites. We don't commit our partners to a contract or course of action without their consultation or approval. We try not to take ourselves "too damn seriously".

Frequently Asked Questions about S-Anon Couples in Recovery

We have taken time to set up a page with FAQ about S-Anon Couples in Recovery on our web site www.sanon4couples.org. The Frequently Asked Questions about Sanon Couples in Recovery is located here .

In the FAQ about S-Anon Couples in Recovery we answer questions like:

Who are the members? How much does this cost?
Is this a support group ?
Is this a religious program?
Do I have to say anything?
Who runs the meetings?
How can I find a meeting?

Tradition 3 - The Only Requirement for Membership

The question has been raised “Do non S-Anons attend S-Anon Couples in Recovery” groups? It is the intention of this article to lead the reader to the conclusion that everyone who attends an S-Anon Couples in Recovery group is, in fact, a member of S-Anon.

The Third Tradition: The relatives of sexaholics, when gathered together for mutual aid, may call themselves an S-Anon Family Group, provided that, as a group, they have no other affiliation. The only requirement for membership is that there be a problem of sexaholism in a relative or friend.

Is the S-Anon Couples in Recovery group an S-Anon group? Yes. “The relatives of sexaholics, when gathered together for mutual aid, may call themselves an S-Anon Family Group, provided that, as a group, they have no other affiliation….” 

People who come to these meetings are seeking "mutual aid" in restoring their families. What could be a truer example of an S-Anon Family Group?

S-Anon is the very first word in the meeting title. These are not Sexaholic and Spouse Couples in Recovery. These are not Spouse and Sexaholic Couples Meetings. They only affiliation of S-Anon Couples in Recovery is S-Anon. The groups are listed at the World Service Office.

Until recently, the groups were listed on S-Anon Intergroup web sites and were allowed to participate at and vote in intergroup meetings.

S-Anon Couples in Recovery groups have no other affiliation than S-Anon. They are not affiliated with any recovery program other than S-Anon.

”The only requirement for membership is that there be a problem of sexaholism in a relative or friend.”

Someone has suggested that S-Anon has a requirement that attendees have a problem with sexaholism in a relative or friend. This article contends that the third tradition does not read "The only requirement for membership is having a problem with sexaholism in a relative or friend". Instead, it lists being a friend or relative of someone with the problem of sexaholism as being the only requirement for membership.

People are not required to have a problem with sexaholism in a friend or relative, they are required to have a friend or relative with the problem

Who is an S-Anon? There are no membership cards in S-Anon. No tattoos, passwords or secret handshakes are required. There is no membership committee that authorizes one person as a member while denying another. There are no degrees of membership that provide varying levels of privilege. No member of any of these organizations is entitled to quiz another as to why they happen to qualify for membership. Longevity of membership does not give one member rights over another.

S-Anon, like Alcoholics Anonymous, Al-Anon and Sexaholics Anonymous does not have “rules” that would grant or deny membership to an individual. It is generally accepted that someone is a member of these organizations when they have the problem as defined by each fellowship. Someone does not have to be at AA meetings to be an alcoholic, at Al-Anon meetings to have their life affected by another person’s drinking, at SA meetings to be a sexaholic or at S-Anon meetings to have been affected by sexaholism in another person.

While many people who do not attend meetings of S-Anon may be considered to meet the “only requirement for membership”, it is accepted that when someone comes, voluntarily, to an S-Anon meeting that they are a member.

Someone might meet the qualifications of S-Anon membership without even knowing what S-Anon is. The S-Anon Problem states the problem of sexaholism could even be in a non-friend teacher or boss. “It does not matter whether we were willing, unwilling, or unknowing participants in the relationship.”

Traditionally, when we talk about the S-Anon Couples in Recovery meetings, we talk about a married couple where one attends other S-Anon meetings and his or her spouse may or may not.

Does this mean that one is an S-Anon and the other is not? No. “There is no degree of membership”

Does the third tradition demand that the spouse say “I am an S-Anon” in order to meet the qualifications of membership? No. When someone voluntarily attends an S-Anon meeting they are a member.

Let’s look at who the spouses are and other reasons why they qualify to be called members of S-Anon.  Some are descended from grandparents or parents who have the problem of sexaholism. Some have aunts, uncles, cousins, or step-family with the problem. Some are the parents of children with the problem. Some have encountered clergy, teachers, bosses, neighbors, classmates, fellow military service members or others with the problem. Sometimes they were “unwilling, or unknowing participants in the relationship.” These people meet the requirement of membership.

Some have used pornography produced and or distributed by a person with sexaholism. Some have acted out with another person who has a problem of sexaholism. These people meet the requirement of membership.

Some of the spouses are in recovery programs for sexaholism. Once someone starts on a recovery program they encounter others who have “a problem of sexaholism”. As sponsees, sponsors and fellowship members they have friends who have the problem. These people meet the requirement of membership.

We do not have a “membership monitor” that can decide if someone should be included or excluded from our meetings.

Let’s look at the AA literature of Tradition Three. In the AA Grapevine of Feb 1948, Bill W. wrote "Our membership ought to include all who suffer alcoholism. Hence we may refuse none who wish to recover. Nor ought A.A. membership ever depend upon money or conformity. Any two or three alcoholics gathered together for sobriety may call themselves an A.A. group, provided that, as a group, they have no other affiliation."

In the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, the chapter on Tradition Three discusses how the AA fellowship moved beyond trying to restrict membership to “pure alcoholics”. It concludes with the line "So the hand of Providence early gave us a sign that any alcoholic is a member of our Society when he says so."

Looking at Al-Anon literature for the Al-Anon view of people who are members of both both Al-Anon and Alcoholics Anonymous we find that in 1979 Al-Anon produced a pamphlet called Double Winners. Some interesting quotes from this pamphlet are from a member named Bill:

BILL: I go to AA to stay sober, to remind myself that I am powerless over alcohol; I go to Al-Anon to learn more about living with other people. I'm powerless over them, too.
BILL: When I go to an Al-Anon meeting, I do not say I am alcoholic. I concentrate on identifying as a concerned family member. At Al-Anon, my focus is on letting go and getting another perspective.

 

When someone attends a meeting of S-Anon Couples in Recovery, they are attending an S-Anon meeting. Each and every person who attends a meeting of S-Anon Couples in Recovery is an S-Anon.

 

Blog article written by the sanon4couples.org editorial staff March 2015 

Tradition 2 and S-Anon Couples in Recovery

Traditions 2: For our group purpose there is but one authority a loving God as He may express Himself in our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants - they do not govern.

The groups of S-Anon Couples in Recovery do not have leaders. There are no professional's, no therapists in charge. We do have people serving as the meeting chair, treasurer and secretary , however, these are rotating positions. These are our trusted servants. These are also service positions. Most of the members find that doing service to the group, results in enhancing their own recovery.

The trusted servants do not tell other members what they must or must not do. We don't create by-laws or rules that are designed to control other peoples behaviors. The illusion of being in control seems to be a major S-Anon and SA symptom.

The following is adapted from Alcoholics Anonymous Chapter 3. Adapted text is Bold and Underlined

 

We members of S-Anon are men and women who have lost the ability to control others. We know that no real member ever recovers control. All of us felt at times that we were regaining control, but such intervals - usually brief - were inevitably followed by still less control, which led in time to pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization. We are convinced to a man that people of our type are in the grip of a progressive illness. Over any considerable period we get worse, never better...

Our trusted servants practice caution.

On page 123, Alcoholics Anonymous comes of Age, Bill Wilson states:

 ....enduring leadership of A.A. their is the quiet opinion, the sure knowledge, and the humble example that resolves a crisis. When sorely perplexed, the group inevitably turns to them for advice. They become the voice of the group conscience. They are, in fact, the true voice of Alcoholics Anonymous. They do not drive by mandate; they lead by example......This is why A.A. can never be organized under any known form of government.

Stories of Experience, Strength and Hope

The following quote is from the AA Big Book "A Vision for You"
Our book is meant to be suggestive only. We realize we know only a little. God will constantly disclose more to you and to us. Ask Him in your morning meditation what you can do each day for the man who is still sick. The answers will come, if your own house is in order. But obviously you cannot transmit something you haven’t got. See to it that your relationship with Him is right, and great events will come to pass for you and countless others. This is the Great Fact for us.
Abandon yourself to God as you understand God. Admit your faults to Him and to your fellows. Clear away the wreckage of your past. Give freely of what you find and join us. We shall be with you in the Fellowship of the Spirit, and you will surely meet some of us as you trudge the Road of Happy Destiny.
May God bless you and keep you — until then.

Ours is a program of attraction rather than promotion. How can we share the message of recovery with other couples? We try to carry out the directive of the Fifth Tradition: Each S-Anon Family Group has but one purpose: to help families of sexaholics. We do this by practicing the Twelve Steps of S-Anon, by encouraging and understanding our sexaholic relatives, and by welcoming and giving comfort to the families of sexaholics.

Within conference approved literature there are no stories that of Couples experience strength and hope that may be shared online. This is an invitation for couples to share about their journey of recovery. If you, as a couple, would like to share, please email us at sanon4couples@gmail.com.

Please share how working the Steps and Traditions and attending S-Anon Couples in Recovery has strengthened honesty, commitment, trust, forgiveness and communication within your coupleship. All sharing will be published anonymously.

The January 2015 SA / S-Anon convention in Portland is over.

There were a few great S-Anon Couples breakout sessions at the convention.

Members from around the world were in attendance. The individual SA and S-Anon sessions , speakers and fellowship were great.

The next convention is located in Chicago. Please note, the date was changed:

July 24 - 26, 2015SA International Convention
Location: Chicago IL USA
Theme: Crossroads of Recovery
For More Information:
     Web: www.crossroadsofrecovery.com
     Email: info@crossroadsofrecovery.com

2016 January SA / S-Anon Convention in San Diego

The January 2016 convention in San Diego is now accepting registrations at reduced rates.

January 15 - 17, 2016SA/S-Anon International Convention
Location: SAn Diego California USA
Theme: Reflections in SAn Diego
For More Information:
     Web: http://www.reflectionsinsandiego.com/

Convention Reminder

Just a quick reminder. There is a joint SA and S-Anon Convention being held in Portland, OR this weekend. There will be breakout meetings for both programs as well as couples meetings.

January 23-25, 2015, Portland, OR:

Web Site:	http://awakeningthespirit2015.com
S-Anon online registration:	http://www.sanon.org/Store/2015-january-s-anon-international-convention-portland-or-s-anon-registration.html
S-Ateen online registration:	http://www.sanon.org/Store/2015-january-s-anon-international-convention-portland-or-s-ateen-registration.html

Applying the First Step of S-Anon

The First Step of S-Anon
1. We admitted we were powerless over sexaholism - that our lives had become unmanageable.

S-Anon Couples in Recovery group members work the twelve steps on themselves in their individual SAnon and other groups. We also work the steps within the Couples in recovery program.

As we focus on ourselves, we see many of the overt and covert ways that we attempt to control each other. Whether the hailstorm of anger or the passive aggressive turtle, we see that their our individual behaviors, in the coupleship become roles. When we listen to other couples in recovery share, we often get insights into our own actions and attitudes.

A share on the First Step
"When I first came into Couples, I didn't know what focus on myself meant. I wanted to hear what my husband had to say. Through listening to other couples I slowly realized there was more to our couple dynamic than just sexual addiction. I also found hope for recovery."