Applying Tradition 8 to the Coupleship

We are continuing our study of the 12 Traditions of S-Anon and how they can be applied in our Coupleships. We don't claim to have the answers for everyone or the only interpretation of the Steps, Traditions and Concepts.

Tradition 8: "S-Anon Twelfth-Step work should remain forever non-professional, but our service centers may employ special workers."

We are not professional dishwashers, landscapers, maids, computer repair technicians, cooks, accountants etc. Sometimes our chores seem to become intertwined with our identities. Sometimes we find it hard to believe that what we do is not who we are. Is our sense of self worth dependent on what we do?
Did our role models successfully manage this aspect of their lives? It's incredibly easy to fall into so-called gender roles. How can we avoid them? Do we give freely to our relationship? Do we grudgingly participate in home tasks?
Do we risk the health or safety of our families by not consulting experts when needed? Do we try to do things that we are not capable of or do we hire doctors, nurses, plumbers, and electricians when we need them?

"Recovering Together: Issues Faced By Couples"

"What seemed at first a flimsy reed, has proved to be the loving and powerful hand of God." Alcoholics Anonymous  pg 28.

S-Anon Couples in Recovery meetings have one official piece of S-Anon Conference Approved Literature (CAL). It is named "Recovering Together: Issues Faced By Couples".
The www.sanon.org  website describes this book as "Couples share their experience, strength, and hope on the topics of communication, trust, forgiveness, honesty, commitment, and healthy sexuality. The booklet also includes an S-Anon meeting format to be used during S-Anon couples meetings."


Many of our groups use this booklet at their meetings and give copies to newcomers.
One of our couples said "Before we came to our first meeting, we thought that our partnership was broken, that it was over for good. At the first meeting, our emotions were still clouding our ability to see and hear the truth of reality. Reading this booklet together, we started to realize that we had more common ground to rebuild from than we had realized. This book gave us a glimmer of hope, it was our "flimsy reed". We realized that we each had to work on our own programs, individually but we also came to believe that we had to have this program too. The "flimsy reed" of S-Anon Couples in Recovery meetings and this booklet have become the "loving and powerful hand of God" in our marriage."

Applying S-Anon Tradition 6 to a coupleship

Tradition 6: Our S-Anon Family Groups ought never endorse, finance, or lend our name to any outside enterprise, lest problems of money, property and prestige divert us from our primary spiritual aim. Although a separate entity, we should always cooperate with Sexaholics Anonymous.

How can we members of S-Anon Couples in Recovery apply the sixth tradition to our coupleship?

One couple has replied: "We each have our own funds, schedules and commitments. In the past, problems with money, property and egos interfered with our relationships.
Applying this Tradition, neither of us will make a commitment of our joint funds, time or responsibility without consulting the other. We do not try to fill all of our partners needs. We do not expect all of our needs to be met by our partner. We support each other. We strive to be healthy equals. We are mutually dependent. We support and encourage each other."

S-Anon Tradition 5 – One Purpose

S-Anon Tradition 5 – One Purpose

It’s May, the fifth month of the year and our continuing study of the Twelve Traditions of S-Anon brings us to Tradition 5. Each S-Anon Family Group has but one purpose: to help families of sexaholics. We do this by practicing the Twelve Steps of S-Anon, by encouraging and understanding our sexaholic relatives, and by welcoming and giving comfort to the families of sexaholics.

This Tradition, like the Eleven others were all adapted from the Twelve Traditions of AA. The Fifth Tradition of AA reads Each group has but one primary purpose —to carry the message to the alcoholic who still suffers. The article about the Fifth Tradition in Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions says “The very life of our Fellowship requires the preservation of this principle.”

Early AA’s had a saying “Put the plug in the jug, clean house and help others”. Before we came to our first meeting, many of us thought that our partnership was inextricably broken. Many members of S-Anon Couples in Recovery have found that applying the 12 Steps and 12 Traditions within a coupleship leads to improvements in trust, honesty, hope and commitment.

The members of the S-Anon Couples in Recovery groups have demonstrated that they can help other families where others seldom can. What we can transmit to the new couple is not dependent on therapy, eloquence or education but on our own experience. We have a legacy of suffering and recovery that we pass freely onto others that seek relief. This is our primary purpose.

A great paradox of all twelve step programs is that we can only keep as much recovery as we are willing to give away. We must carry the message to those families that don’t know there is a way out.

 

New Meetings on the Meeting List

We have been receiving notice of new meetings and meeting changes.  We recently added S-Anon Couples in Recovery meetings in Florida and Indiana as well as a meeting change in California. If you would like your meeting listed or have a change, please send us an email at sanon4couples@gmail.org


Florida - New Meeting on list
7:00 PM Fort Myers, FL – Every Sunday, Riverside Church, 8660 Daniels Parkway, Fort Myers, FL


Indiana - New Meeting on list
1:30 PM Noblesville, IN – 1st Saturday of each month 698 N 10th St Please enter through side door




California - Meeting location change
7 PM Union City, CA 4th Saturday - Kaiser Permanenete Medical Offices, 3553 Whipple Rd, Union City Building B Second Floor, rooms 2A


To see the complete meeting list, please visit: http://www.sanon4couples.org/meetings.html

Tradition 4 and Rule #62

The 4th Tradition : Each group should be autonomous, except in matters affecting another group or S-Anon or SA as a whole.

The Fourth Tradition, like all of the others, stems from the original 12 Traditions of Alcoholics Anonymous. There are essays on each of the Traditions and Steps in the conference approved AA classic book Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions: A co-founder of Alcoholics Anonymous tells how members recover and how the society functions.

The Traditions were based upon the experience of the early and growing A.A. program. The chapter on the 4th Tradition addresses the issue of group autonomy:

"This meant , of course, that we had been given the courage to declare each A.A. group an individual entity, strictly reliant on its own conscience as a guide to action. In charting this enormous expanse of freedom, we found it necessary to post only two storm signals: A group ought not do anything which would greatly injure A. A. as a whole, nor ought it affiliate itself with anything or anybody else. There would be a real danger should we commence to call some groups "wet," others "dry," still others "Republican" or "Communist," and yet others "Catholic" or "Protestant." The A. A. group would have to stick to its course or be hopelessly lost. Sobriety has to be its sole objective. In all other respects there was perfect freedom of will and action. Every group had the right to be wrong."

The chapter also discusses A.A. Rule #62

An early A.A. group had grand plans to build a hospital and recovery center. They would sober the drunks and help them out of their back debts.
"To insure foolproof, continuous operation, sixty-one rules and regulations were adopted." The venture collapsed and "A chill chokedamp of fear and frustration fell over the group."
"The head promoter wrote the Foundation office. He said he wished he'd paid some attention to A.A. experience. Then he did something else that was to become an A.A. classic. It all went on a little card about golf-score size. The cover read: "Middleton Group #1, Rule #62." Once the card was unfolded, a single pungent sentence leaped to the eye: "Don't take yourself too damn seriously."

How can we apply this Tradition to our S-Anon Couples in Recovery groups? S-Anon Couples in Recovery groups are only affiliated with S-Anon. Many of our members qualify for and are possible members of other 12 step programs. Being a member of a "beverage program", "food program", "shopping program", "wagering program", or "lust program" does not negate or exclude someone from being an S-Anon as well.
Many of our groups meet in churches but that does not mean there is any affiliation. Our groups pay rent for their meeting places. Some of our meetings may take place in Spanish. This does not imply there is an affiliation with Spain. Likewise, English speaking meetings do not mean there is an affiliation with England. Each meetings is autonomous.

How do we apply this Tradition in our coupleships? One couple shared:

We are committed to each other.
We don't have a family religion. Each of us is free to believe in the God of our understanding. We also don't have a family political standing. We tend to vote for candidates that are polar opposites. We don't commit our partners to a contract or course of action without their consultation or approval. We try not to take ourselves "too damn seriously".

Frequently Asked Questions about S-Anon Couples in Recovery

We have taken time to set up a page with FAQ about S-Anon Couples in Recovery on our web site www.sanon4couples.org. The Frequently Asked Questions about Sanon Couples in Recovery is located here .

In the FAQ about S-Anon Couples in Recovery we answer questions like:

Who are the members? How much does this cost?
Is this a support group ?
Is this a religious program?
Do I have to say anything?
Who runs the meetings?
How can I find a meeting?